HIGHWAY TO SUPER SAIYAN I

Hello ladies and gentlemen and everyone else in between – ignore this head of hair haphazardly glued to my head to insinuate I am some Super Saiyan. Anyway, I am here to bring you down the storylines, breakdowns and predictions you so desperately need. So let’s get right into it.

This isn’t the first time Craig Cogan has done battle in a funhouse. He famously dispatched on Squiggles months ago, but Glum is a whole different Clown. Criag the Clown Killer from Outer Space will have his work cracked up for him against this seasoned vet. Sure Glum will probably be a little drunk, a little depressed, but hasn’t that fuelled many through their career until they jump off a tall building. But my prediction here is Glum does that with Cogan at the bottom – crashing into his body and willing the match for the fallen clowns before him.


The Bing Bong Twinz made their presence felt during Deathmatch Does Dallas – but Chester Roosevelt single handedly hoisted the scrawny trolls into the air with a double chokeslam bringing them crashing down onto the hood of their own WHIP. The display of strength prompted English to make this a 2 on 1 match for the Double Homicide Championships. I know The Big Bong Twinz have pulled off some surprisingly big wins off through their career – but I think Roosevelt is going to prove to be too much even by his lonesome. This is a man who months ago went toe to tow with the former New World Champion Jane Doe. I say he uses one Twinz limp body to beat the others’ body limp and Three Ring Barny continues their dominance.


We have two big debuts with Fenix and Maloney in this one, but they are in there with two mainstays Holden Ross and Lissie Hope. Now Holden and special ref Vebbins have been getting into eachothers’ face so it will be interesting to see that play out. That said you know Lissie Hope isn’t going to take two losses in a row. She’s stepping back from the title scene and this is her opportunity to show just how great of a wrestler she is. I think Hope finds a way to pull this one out and get back to her winning ways after once again narrowly missing winning the New World Championship at Deathmatch Does Dallas.


This one is going to be a down and dirty brawl inside a Lion’s Den. Submission and KOs win this one and neither of these women will have an issue doing that to one another. Alice and Serenity had a feud of the year in Action Wrestling and now their hatred has tumbled CULT and we’re more than happy to oblige in the bloodshed. Serenity had an amazing win in her debut beating Iggy Deluna in the finals of a triple threat first blood match. Meanwhile, Alice has established herself as the most dominant force in CULT. She won two matches in her debut – capturing the FIGHT Championship in the process. No one has really challenged her skill and now she has a chance at redemption when she takes Holmes on. I have to say I think Alice walks away with this one and cashes in for a shot at the New World Championship at The People V. Casanova English.


It’s a match both people have been asking for. We will see Ace Sky, the resident workhorse of CULT go one on one with CULT’s favorite sweetheart Adrienne Beaufort. Both have had issue stringing wins together in the past – but this is a match that will get one set off on the right foot. Beaufort has had some high profile bouts, but had an unfortunate accident with a pitchfork in her last match where she was dealt a loss by Craig Cogan. Ace Sky put on a wrestling clinic last month against Justin York but came up short once again. I have a feeling Ace finds a way to galaxy leap to the next level by beating Beaufort in Tokyo.

Iggy Deluna was to be a big star when CULT kicked off almost a year ago. She has not been able to pick up a win in the CULT ring and her reintroduction last month was ruined by Serenity Holmes. Addy A has managed to beat the first SNUFF Champion, Max Daemon two times in a row cementing her spot as Deathmatch Queen. I think that title could be at risk though, Deluna was hungry in her first match – enough that management awarded her a shot at the title. I think Iggy shocks the world when she wins her first match and first championship in this company by hammering the head of Addy A to oblivion.


English has been trying to get some consistency with the CULT Classic Championship – flight delays – including one that had the Vincent Black vs Noah Orteaga match called off last month – injuries – people having to leave the company.. It’s all caused issues with the image of the Classic Championship. Now English is trying to add some flavor to the division by giving the debuting JJ Slayer a shot at the title. Now while JJ seems like a great prospect, I am not sure he is going to be able to stack up to the pure talent of Vince Black. That said, I think Black dictates who wins this one, if he shows up at a top level… well… he is going to retain… but if he’s slipping a bit like he has shown in recent months JJ Slayer might just win the Classic Championship his first night with the company.


If you said JD Driftwood would walk out of Deathmatch Does Dallas with the New World Championship still around his waist I would have called you a fucking liar. He was in there with the best CULT has to offer Lissie Hope, Donnie Hopkins and, of course, Jane Doe. Driftwood managed to prove he belongs at the top of the company, but he will have to do it all over again in Tokyo when he takes on Jane Doe in an Inferno Match. Jane barely made it out of Dallas without taking the pinfall – a rare position for her to be in – but if we all know Jane is arguably the most dominant force in combat sports – alive or possibly dead. This is going to be a brutal contest. Jane can take incredible amounts of damage and keep on coming – but we all know JD is versed in ripping people apart. It’s going to be a sight to see as someone is set on fire in Japan. My money has to go on Jane Doe… I think she starts her second reign as top champion by smashing open the lightning Driftwood has caught in a bottle and carried around in his prison wallet for the last six months.