Post by barney on Dec 29, 2022 0:21:56 GMT
“For being the colder, seemingly nicer, imitation of the greater United States, this place isn’t half bad.”
Chester Roosevelt leads his troupe of travelers through the Canadian border to a nearby rest stop. He goes off to the side of the road looking for a perfect spot. Judging from the distance to the diner and the entrance he stomps his foot on the grass.
“Right here is just fine.”
Luna Baby and Chester Roosevelt get to work and they unpack. They set up a big display for a puppet show in record time. Chester stands off to the side supervising and peering around at their potential audience. American tourists mill around taking pictures on their first arrival in Canada. A group of bikers adjust their belongings after going through the inspection of their motorcycles, and some truckers mill around for a smoke. Chester grinds his boot on the dewy grass and straightens his long overcoat. His mouth twitches in anticipation as he looks over his marks with a twinkle in his eye. Royston is almost finished while Luna tries to mess with him instead of doing work. He finally folds out the wooden sides and lowers the small curtain in the back. The sides of the structure are painted with a dark sky over fire and brimstone. The middle inner curtain shows stars or a series of lights. The backdrop behind the curtain shows an anonymous audience. Luna stops messing with Royston and gets into place when Chester taps on a little bell at the side with a cane. He starts the show.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, we three of the barney enthusiasts come to you today with a tale of woe. Introducing first we see a Casanova man. Well past his prime and hoping to be the ringleader to a cavalcade of horrors. A creature well above his head at times is fighting for control.”
A puppet of Casanova English with his exaggerated smile falls onto the stage. Its head is bigger than its body and it tumbles around showing and displaying the stage with grandiose movements.
“But there is a splinter in his path in the form of a raconteur of follies. Some tramp with all the spooky aura around her to summon the Dark Lord himself.”
A female puppet plops down onto the stage. Her skin is an unnatural black and she wears black and her eyes are black and she has a think smile of red. She is also covered in red from the red dress to the red splotches of dried blood around her. The puppet flies up into the air and straddles Casanova English to the gasp of the gathering crowd. Chester nods at them.
“I know. May the innocent avert your eyes for THIS might just be the great fall of the man himself. But there is a lesson here. One must be a provocateur to get ahead in this game. Skill? Secondary! Talent? Tertiary. Attention? Accepted. You get the eyes you get the prize. Delivering is another matter but hey, at least one has their mouth in the right places… So pucker up!”
The English puppet scrambles out from under his attacker and runs off. Datura chases him until finally, he falls over and she stumbles right into his bum. Then with a swish of his cane, he removes the two puppets from the stage.
“Next up we have a beast of a man. This violent beast roams the land looking to unleash his inner pain onto others in the hopes of assuaging the hurt. But he is never satisfied and he climbs to the upper- What’s this?
Squeaky growls interrupt Chester. He falls back as small fireworks fly over the stage. A triumphant orchestral score overwhelms the scene until Chester kicks at something behind the stage and the volume is put down. A convict in a black and white jailhouse shawl falls onto the stage but stands up with a growl and points a knife at the crowd.
“Oh, my heavens! It is an Australian!”
The puppet growls and stomps around the stage. She holds a golden belt up into the air.
“Forgive my tale of this beast of men and conquer of conquerors, ladies, and gentlemen. It seems a criminal from down under has absconded with his prize. One Addy A. Such is the nature of such people, but we must never forgive and forget. A spotlight gone in an instant a golden prize taken from under his nose and given to this miscreant is an injustice deserving of vengeance. That is a task that will be undertaken by a humble man in the form of…
Even more triumphant orchestral music booms out and Chester steps in front of the stage with a glorious grin.
“Me.”
He waits for applause and starts one up himself. Some people in the audience follow him up on it and he bows. Then he yelps as the Addy puppet pricks him from behind and squeals.
“I kill you! RAWR! I kill you!”
“Will you really?
“I kill you! Cunt!”
“Now that language is not appreciated on this side of the pond, young miss.”
“I kill you! I kill you!”
Chester kneels down and faces his little assailant.
“That’s three times a promise.”
Chester displays his adversary to the crowd.
“This one sure likes to rage and threaten to get her way. Seems her little theft of the prize has given her an air of invincibility. She has even developed the bravado of a serial killer making mockeries of threats to violence upon the masses. On the one hand, she lives the life of an action star felling thugs with a flick of the wrist. In her other life, she squawks at everyone who would listen about how she will cut the souls out of any contender that steps in her way.”
A little big squeal peeps out from the Addy puppet as she flies in the air trying to get at the audience with her knife. Chester protects the people by holding her back with his walking stick.
“There is violence sure but such threats can not be taken lightly. A threat can not be taken lightly. It is only serious if one follows through. Am I right, fellas?”
Chester prods and nods some of the bikers that have joined the show much to their confusion. On closer inspection, they seem to be your run-of-the-mill riding grandfathers. Only some match the description of Canada’s famous burly two-wheeled gang members, but they are just as confused as their comrades. Still, Chester winks at them.
“So I must step into the squared circle in Toronto on New Year’s Eve to right the wrongs done by this villain. In this contest, I expect to fight for my life. Three times she has threatened the ultimate demise and three times her opponent remains with air. Dead in spirit, perhaps, but walking on two feet the next day. A warrior such as myself can not take this lightly. Addy is walking high on the accomplishments of giants and I will cut her down.”
With a twist and a flourish of his cane, Chester twists off the top and exposes a blade from the handle to cut the strings off of the top of the puppet sending it tumbling to the ground.
“We have gotten her attention, ladies, and gentlemen. While it shames me to follow in the footsteps of two buffoons in this endeavor, I will do something they can not. I will deliver on my threats. I only threaten anger. Fate is on my side and my domination of the organization is paramount. It will continue with this lady of low morals. I expect to uphold her to the standards of the laws of combat. I only have one caveat.”
He picks up the Addy puppet and turns her head around to face him close. He glares at it with the heat of a thousand oil lamps.
“If I do not die after this battle, I will be sorely disappointed and the violence will be heightened. I do not sully myself often with barbarity. I pride myself on the tools of the body, but I will delve into the depths of your sick little mind to carve out what little you have to offer. I will tear it out of your soul and crush it between my teeth. I will devour you whole to show you how little you are worth, dear. Only then will wrongs be righted. Or, if you are to be believed still by your group of yes-men… I will die trying. So show me your worst and become worthy of your title. Or it will be taken by my righteous indignation.”
He turns to the crowd with a better demeanor now as flyers billow out from the stage fluttering over them showing the card for The People V. Casanova English. They fall to the ground as most of the people aren’t watching anymore. He looks on with disapproval.
“Luna. What is that?”
Luna pops out from behind the stage and looks out in excitement. That is a moose!
A giant creature comes out of the clearing and takes the attention of the crowd with it. They get as close as they dare to take pictures. Chester is livid as he throws Addy down.
“If this is what I am working with it might be me who might have to do a killing instead…”
He looks on and gets a shock of inspiration.
“Royston. We cannot allow this. Please take it down.”
Royston pops up.
“Luna. Start up a book. Offer good odds. It’ll be an honest contest.”
Luna jumps around in excitement as Royston stretches and walks up to the moose. Luna mills around the crowd with a pen and a pad as Royston removes his shirt and squares up with the beast. Chester gathers up his puppets and sits them up on the stage pointing at each one in turn.
“All of life can be a show and it is mine for the taking.”
Chester Roosevelt leads his troupe of travelers through the Canadian border to a nearby rest stop. He goes off to the side of the road looking for a perfect spot. Judging from the distance to the diner and the entrance he stomps his foot on the grass.
“Right here is just fine.”
Luna Baby and Chester Roosevelt get to work and they unpack. They set up a big display for a puppet show in record time. Chester stands off to the side supervising and peering around at their potential audience. American tourists mill around taking pictures on their first arrival in Canada. A group of bikers adjust their belongings after going through the inspection of their motorcycles, and some truckers mill around for a smoke. Chester grinds his boot on the dewy grass and straightens his long overcoat. His mouth twitches in anticipation as he looks over his marks with a twinkle in his eye. Royston is almost finished while Luna tries to mess with him instead of doing work. He finally folds out the wooden sides and lowers the small curtain in the back. The sides of the structure are painted with a dark sky over fire and brimstone. The middle inner curtain shows stars or a series of lights. The backdrop behind the curtain shows an anonymous audience. Luna stops messing with Royston and gets into place when Chester taps on a little bell at the side with a cane. He starts the show.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, we three of the barney enthusiasts come to you today with a tale of woe. Introducing first we see a Casanova man. Well past his prime and hoping to be the ringleader to a cavalcade of horrors. A creature well above his head at times is fighting for control.”
A puppet of Casanova English with his exaggerated smile falls onto the stage. Its head is bigger than its body and it tumbles around showing and displaying the stage with grandiose movements.
“But there is a splinter in his path in the form of a raconteur of follies. Some tramp with all the spooky aura around her to summon the Dark Lord himself.”
A female puppet plops down onto the stage. Her skin is an unnatural black and she wears black and her eyes are black and she has a think smile of red. She is also covered in red from the red dress to the red splotches of dried blood around her. The puppet flies up into the air and straddles Casanova English to the gasp of the gathering crowd. Chester nods at them.
“I know. May the innocent avert your eyes for THIS might just be the great fall of the man himself. But there is a lesson here. One must be a provocateur to get ahead in this game. Skill? Secondary! Talent? Tertiary. Attention? Accepted. You get the eyes you get the prize. Delivering is another matter but hey, at least one has their mouth in the right places… So pucker up!”
The English puppet scrambles out from under his attacker and runs off. Datura chases him until finally, he falls over and she stumbles right into his bum. Then with a swish of his cane, he removes the two puppets from the stage.
“Next up we have a beast of a man. This violent beast roams the land looking to unleash his inner pain onto others in the hopes of assuaging the hurt. But he is never satisfied and he climbs to the upper- What’s this?
Squeaky growls interrupt Chester. He falls back as small fireworks fly over the stage. A triumphant orchestral score overwhelms the scene until Chester kicks at something behind the stage and the volume is put down. A convict in a black and white jailhouse shawl falls onto the stage but stands up with a growl and points a knife at the crowd.
“Oh, my heavens! It is an Australian!”
The puppet growls and stomps around the stage. She holds a golden belt up into the air.
“Forgive my tale of this beast of men and conquer of conquerors, ladies, and gentlemen. It seems a criminal from down under has absconded with his prize. One Addy A. Such is the nature of such people, but we must never forgive and forget. A spotlight gone in an instant a golden prize taken from under his nose and given to this miscreant is an injustice deserving of vengeance. That is a task that will be undertaken by a humble man in the form of…
Even more triumphant orchestral music booms out and Chester steps in front of the stage with a glorious grin.
“Me.”
He waits for applause and starts one up himself. Some people in the audience follow him up on it and he bows. Then he yelps as the Addy puppet pricks him from behind and squeals.
“I kill you! RAWR! I kill you!”
“Will you really?
“I kill you! Cunt!”
“Now that language is not appreciated on this side of the pond, young miss.”
“I kill you! I kill you!”
Chester kneels down and faces his little assailant.
“That’s three times a promise.”
Chester displays his adversary to the crowd.
“This one sure likes to rage and threaten to get her way. Seems her little theft of the prize has given her an air of invincibility. She has even developed the bravado of a serial killer making mockeries of threats to violence upon the masses. On the one hand, she lives the life of an action star felling thugs with a flick of the wrist. In her other life, she squawks at everyone who would listen about how she will cut the souls out of any contender that steps in her way.”
A little big squeal peeps out from the Addy puppet as she flies in the air trying to get at the audience with her knife. Chester protects the people by holding her back with his walking stick.
“There is violence sure but such threats can not be taken lightly. A threat can not be taken lightly. It is only serious if one follows through. Am I right, fellas?”
Chester prods and nods some of the bikers that have joined the show much to their confusion. On closer inspection, they seem to be your run-of-the-mill riding grandfathers. Only some match the description of Canada’s famous burly two-wheeled gang members, but they are just as confused as their comrades. Still, Chester winks at them.
“So I must step into the squared circle in Toronto on New Year’s Eve to right the wrongs done by this villain. In this contest, I expect to fight for my life. Three times she has threatened the ultimate demise and three times her opponent remains with air. Dead in spirit, perhaps, but walking on two feet the next day. A warrior such as myself can not take this lightly. Addy is walking high on the accomplishments of giants and I will cut her down.”
With a twist and a flourish of his cane, Chester twists off the top and exposes a blade from the handle to cut the strings off of the top of the puppet sending it tumbling to the ground.
“We have gotten her attention, ladies, and gentlemen. While it shames me to follow in the footsteps of two buffoons in this endeavor, I will do something they can not. I will deliver on my threats. I only threaten anger. Fate is on my side and my domination of the organization is paramount. It will continue with this lady of low morals. I expect to uphold her to the standards of the laws of combat. I only have one caveat.”
He picks up the Addy puppet and turns her head around to face him close. He glares at it with the heat of a thousand oil lamps.
“If I do not die after this battle, I will be sorely disappointed and the violence will be heightened. I do not sully myself often with barbarity. I pride myself on the tools of the body, but I will delve into the depths of your sick little mind to carve out what little you have to offer. I will tear it out of your soul and crush it between my teeth. I will devour you whole to show you how little you are worth, dear. Only then will wrongs be righted. Or, if you are to be believed still by your group of yes-men… I will die trying. So show me your worst and become worthy of your title. Or it will be taken by my righteous indignation.”
He turns to the crowd with a better demeanor now as flyers billow out from the stage fluttering over them showing the card for The People V. Casanova English. They fall to the ground as most of the people aren’t watching anymore. He looks on with disapproval.
“Luna. What is that?”
Luna pops out from behind the stage and looks out in excitement. That is a moose!
A giant creature comes out of the clearing and takes the attention of the crowd with it. They get as close as they dare to take pictures. Chester is livid as he throws Addy down.
“If this is what I am working with it might be me who might have to do a killing instead…”
He looks on and gets a shock of inspiration.
“Royston. We cannot allow this. Please take it down.”
Royston pops up.
“Luna. Start up a book. Offer good odds. It’ll be an honest contest.”
Luna jumps around in excitement as Royston stretches and walks up to the moose. Luna mills around the crowd with a pen and a pad as Royston removes his shirt and squares up with the beast. Chester gathers up his puppets and sits them up on the stage pointing at each one in turn.
“All of life can be a show and it is mine for the taking.”
