Post by barney on Feb 25, 2023 3:50:25 GMT
“Never as grand as America, but the campgrounds have never looked so… comely.”
Chester Roosevelt taps at the ground with his ornate cane. A wooden wheelbarrow wails under the pressure of this word and finishes breaking down into pieces at the weight of the expectations. Chester waves away the display with his baton and motions for Royston Popplewell to follow him. As he walks he has little need for the walking stick but his need for it may or may not have had something to do with his latest CU:LT match. It may just be for show but he will never admit to anything.
They survey their domain as Royston strums away at his guitar. It doesn’t have any strings for it is a guitar of a mime so just imagine that he plays one of your favorite songs. The old one that makes you think of home. You know the one. Home. In all its nostalgic, gloomy, dirty glory.
“It is a bit of a mess, innit?”
A goosebump-inducing scream breaks through the air from a distance.
“Let’s find out why.”
Chester leads Royston through the main path of the makeshift town. It takes quite an effort to find but it is simple for those in the know. This time Chester and Royston just had to follow the wreckage. The damage was ongoing even as they arrived. The O’Donnell’s caravan has a couple of punched-out windows. Those are plastic, they’re tough. Penchant the Butcher’s stand is in quite a state. The meat looks like it was ripped apart by an animal rather than cut up using his expertise. It is also hanging everywhere around his tent. Constance the Bearded Black Widow looks flabbergasted as her twelve children try to huddle around and clutch at her skirt. Her caravan is on its side. Archibald the Midget speaks with Constance’s latest conquest, Snakeman Reginald, next to a team of mules planning to right that wrong. Everywhere they pass, Chester and Royston are met with some manner of calamity and angry eyes. For a time. Royston’s scowl changes their tune and Chester’s nod reassures them. Everything would be alright in the end.
At the end of their trip through the ramshackle campgrounds, they come upon Luna Baby, in shackles inside a cage. And she howls again when she sees them. Luna runs up to the end of the cage and shakes herself for want of shaking up the bars. He bubbly outfit is deflated and muted with all the dirt, her bubblegum hair looks deflated, and her makeup is smudged. Her eyes bulge out of her skull and her teeth are on full show with that flared-up expression on her face.
Chester glances behind him as the larger members of their troupe form a semi-circle around them to see what justice will be dealt to their comic menace. Chester waves his cane at them to draw a proverbial line in the sand and reaches into the air to pluck a key into existence. He slowly walks to the cage and puts it into the lock but doesn’t turn it.
“I am going to let you out but you will tell me what has gotten into you. There is the beginnings of a frown on your face, Luna. That is so very much unbecoming of a clown of your stature and renown.”
Luna grabs at her face in distress and pulls at her cheeks and mouth. She lets out a shriek and their people recoil in their place with the whiplash.
“I can’t take it anymore, Chester. We’ve just been watching. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s been good times seeing ya take on those losers getting their shot at your title, but that’s the thing. It’s been scraps for months on end. I come home early to get your big homecoming celebration in order and I get in one little fight and it all just leaves me.”
“What does?”
She leans in like she is about to tell Chester a secret.
“The troubles.”
Chester stands and considers her for a moment. She has her hands over her mouth and she shakes a little. His agent, his tool seems to be a victim of boredom. There is nothing more dangerous for a clown than boredom. Her eyes dart around behind her like there is someone inside the cage with her ready to attack. Come to think of it that is a good distraction.
“Luna… where is the bear?”
She perks up and giggles.
“Bubbles? I wouldn’t let him sleep so he went off into the woods.” She jumps up and grabs the bars over her. Hauling herself up, she squeezes through the space in the bars to stand on top of the cage. She looks around and then points. “I think he went off in that direction there.”
Chester looks up at her and then pats Royston on the shoulder. Royston nods and goes off into the forest in the direction Luna pointed in. Luna hops down from the cage, opens the door with the key, and locks herself in again. Chester leans in against the door and speaks loud enough for everyone to hear.
“I know how it’s been lately. I got a touch of that early on in CU:LT, but look at me now. I kept that uneasiness you are feeling and let it stew inside me. I let it out at the right moment and look at me now. I am the SNUFF Champion. You have got to let this out when the opportunity strikes. You have had many opportunities when we were traveling around and they have become lucrative, haven’t they? Half of that will be given to these fine folk so they can repair the damage from your little rampage here.”
Some clapping comes out of the crowd watching them and Chester smirks and nods at them like a politician. Luna bites at the middle bar and Chester leans in.
“It might be more prudent next time to take out a bloodline or two to cull the herd as it were. This will be costly for us. But anyways it appears you forget that opportunity will strike again for you two to make your return to the ring.”
Luna sticks her head out of the cage.
“Youths!”
“That’s right. You are facing two debuts and as it is commonplace with management’s incompetence they are getting a shot at your titles right off the bat. It’s the-”
“Oh! I know! The Heartkillers and Best Friends Forevers! Some gloomy little girls and quirky upstarts. They want a little spunk in their step so they come here to challenge us for a change. Well, little do they know I’ve got one of these for ‘em. And this! And this!”
She shadowboxes and kicks around the cage and Chester waits for her to settle down.
“That’s a B F F S, my dear. That S is something.”
Luna thinks for a moment.
“Best Freedom Friends Squad? That’s quite patriotic, yeah?”
“Not quite. It stands for…” He lets out these words with great disgust as if each syllable stings his tongue and after a long sigh: “Burning Freedom Force Supreme.”
Luna gags.
“These zoomers and their superhero movies. Are they so bland that they take their whole essence from something manufactured for the masses? Something so devoid of any soul and substance after it’s ironed out for consumption by the tik tokers and snaps! I know they get one second to get attention in this day and age but there is never any pop in being vanilla curmudgeons. Self-depreciation is never pretty so how about some active denigration? They are the Facebook meme a 4-chan script kiddie would post when they grow up. Any originality that comes from their minds dies as soon as they try to put it into action. They eat up the internet’s bile and regurgitate it into our eyes. That’s about as much as you can say for their wrestling as well. I’ve seen more fighting spirit in Fat Arse Harold over there, trying to get his last morsel out of a cookie jar. They fight with fear in them. Not hungry enough, are they? Like they are waiting for the big chance to hit them instead of going after it. No belief in themselves. Having some sand will only take you so far. Gumption will only get you in the ring. To be able to defeat me and Royston, you need way more. Once. Only once it’s been shown but you guys wouldn’t be able to recognize it if your grandma’s sent it to you over text to share on the reddits. Do you want to meme so much? That’s exactly what we’ll make of ya. You’ll join the long list of people we have outcast from this place. CU:LT is our ring! They’ll have to keep searching far and wide to be able to find two people that can hold us down for good. You two zoomers are not the ones and you’ll never be with this attitude for platitudes.”
Luna lets out another shriek and Chester unlocks the cage like a proud father letting his kid out of punishment for fighting. She carries that scream out with her into the greater world to address their people.
“Just what do the Heartkillers have to be so gloomy about? Other than being born in that dismal Japan, what in your five years of living have you possibly experienced to make you so dour? Did you lot come out of the womb blind? Why is black always the default in the baddie boudoir?! I know you may look at the Burning Fucks Squadron and want to be the complete opposite of that, but please please please don’t sell your souls to darkness. There is so much joy in the world to be taking in. Just listen!” She cups her hand to her ear. Birds chirp, meadows churn with life, and a bear growls and huffs wrestling a large mime. “Life is full of such joy and violence. If you want to take joy from that violence then do it with a smile. Such a thing can never be evil! Happiness is never a bad thing. Little yelps can never be monsters. Not yet…
“It takes a happening. Now such a thing can ruin you. Mess you up in the head. If you really want we can do that to you guys. All the promises of a big debut in a new promotion for big titles can turn to dust in your mouths when we get our way. If they want some substance I’ll give it to them. I’ll fill their world with it they’ll be shitting out rainbows! Those stars in your beady little eyes will fade out and you can shy away with the others like shadows in the moving sun. Or you can smile your way through the pain. Be children again and yell for joy when you meet me. I’m a facking clown and it is what I do. I will not allow a devil’s spawn to take over. I faced evil before. It came in the guise of a clown hunter. Now I am going to protect this fine company from evil incarnate once again. After last month I am drunken with the blood of saints and I am ready to do their work.”
Her screeching becomes laughter now and she rounds on some of Constance’s children. Chester looks a little uncomfortable after that last line and pulls her back. He takes out a wad of cash and starts to dole it out. Royston and Bubbles tear out of some bushes locked in combat. Royston pulls the bear into a headlock and rolls it to the ground. Bubbles powers out and picks Royston up. Suddenly Luna launches herself into Bubble’s midsection hungry for action. Chester watches the scrap for a moment then notices a few snakes slither from the cage. He turns to the crowd.
“I swear to God, Reggie, if you don’t help me get things in order I’ll be making new boots from your hide. Separate them!”
He throws the money into the air and a few of the carnies help Chester coral the bear and stop the fight. Luna has to be caged again so Royston mimes a box around her. She slams against it in protest but the effort is enough to settle her down. Royston pacifies her by showing her his cuts from the scrap. Chester surveys his domain and nods as the world is mending again and full of promise.
Chester Roosevelt taps at the ground with his ornate cane. A wooden wheelbarrow wails under the pressure of this word and finishes breaking down into pieces at the weight of the expectations. Chester waves away the display with his baton and motions for Royston Popplewell to follow him. As he walks he has little need for the walking stick but his need for it may or may not have had something to do with his latest CU:LT match. It may just be for show but he will never admit to anything.
They survey their domain as Royston strums away at his guitar. It doesn’t have any strings for it is a guitar of a mime so just imagine that he plays one of your favorite songs. The old one that makes you think of home. You know the one. Home. In all its nostalgic, gloomy, dirty glory.
“It is a bit of a mess, innit?”
A goosebump-inducing scream breaks through the air from a distance.
“Let’s find out why.”
Chester leads Royston through the main path of the makeshift town. It takes quite an effort to find but it is simple for those in the know. This time Chester and Royston just had to follow the wreckage. The damage was ongoing even as they arrived. The O’Donnell’s caravan has a couple of punched-out windows. Those are plastic, they’re tough. Penchant the Butcher’s stand is in quite a state. The meat looks like it was ripped apart by an animal rather than cut up using his expertise. It is also hanging everywhere around his tent. Constance the Bearded Black Widow looks flabbergasted as her twelve children try to huddle around and clutch at her skirt. Her caravan is on its side. Archibald the Midget speaks with Constance’s latest conquest, Snakeman Reginald, next to a team of mules planning to right that wrong. Everywhere they pass, Chester and Royston are met with some manner of calamity and angry eyes. For a time. Royston’s scowl changes their tune and Chester’s nod reassures them. Everything would be alright in the end.
At the end of their trip through the ramshackle campgrounds, they come upon Luna Baby, in shackles inside a cage. And she howls again when she sees them. Luna runs up to the end of the cage and shakes herself for want of shaking up the bars. He bubbly outfit is deflated and muted with all the dirt, her bubblegum hair looks deflated, and her makeup is smudged. Her eyes bulge out of her skull and her teeth are on full show with that flared-up expression on her face.
Chester glances behind him as the larger members of their troupe form a semi-circle around them to see what justice will be dealt to their comic menace. Chester waves his cane at them to draw a proverbial line in the sand and reaches into the air to pluck a key into existence. He slowly walks to the cage and puts it into the lock but doesn’t turn it.
“I am going to let you out but you will tell me what has gotten into you. There is the beginnings of a frown on your face, Luna. That is so very much unbecoming of a clown of your stature and renown.”
Luna grabs at her face in distress and pulls at her cheeks and mouth. She lets out a shriek and their people recoil in their place with the whiplash.
“I can’t take it anymore, Chester. We’ve just been watching. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s been good times seeing ya take on those losers getting their shot at your title, but that’s the thing. It’s been scraps for months on end. I come home early to get your big homecoming celebration in order and I get in one little fight and it all just leaves me.”
“What does?”
She leans in like she is about to tell Chester a secret.
“The troubles.”
Chester stands and considers her for a moment. She has her hands over her mouth and she shakes a little. His agent, his tool seems to be a victim of boredom. There is nothing more dangerous for a clown than boredom. Her eyes dart around behind her like there is someone inside the cage with her ready to attack. Come to think of it that is a good distraction.
“Luna… where is the bear?”
She perks up and giggles.
“Bubbles? I wouldn’t let him sleep so he went off into the woods.” She jumps up and grabs the bars over her. Hauling herself up, she squeezes through the space in the bars to stand on top of the cage. She looks around and then points. “I think he went off in that direction there.”
Chester looks up at her and then pats Royston on the shoulder. Royston nods and goes off into the forest in the direction Luna pointed in. Luna hops down from the cage, opens the door with the key, and locks herself in again. Chester leans in against the door and speaks loud enough for everyone to hear.
“I know how it’s been lately. I got a touch of that early on in CU:LT, but look at me now. I kept that uneasiness you are feeling and let it stew inside me. I let it out at the right moment and look at me now. I am the SNUFF Champion. You have got to let this out when the opportunity strikes. You have had many opportunities when we were traveling around and they have become lucrative, haven’t they? Half of that will be given to these fine folk so they can repair the damage from your little rampage here.”
Some clapping comes out of the crowd watching them and Chester smirks and nods at them like a politician. Luna bites at the middle bar and Chester leans in.
“It might be more prudent next time to take out a bloodline or two to cull the herd as it were. This will be costly for us. But anyways it appears you forget that opportunity will strike again for you two to make your return to the ring.”
Luna sticks her head out of the cage.
“Youths!”
“That’s right. You are facing two debuts and as it is commonplace with management’s incompetence they are getting a shot at your titles right off the bat. It’s the-”
“Oh! I know! The Heartkillers and Best Friends Forevers! Some gloomy little girls and quirky upstarts. They want a little spunk in their step so they come here to challenge us for a change. Well, little do they know I’ve got one of these for ‘em. And this! And this!”
She shadowboxes and kicks around the cage and Chester waits for her to settle down.
“That’s a B F F S, my dear. That S is something.”
Luna thinks for a moment.
“Best Freedom Friends Squad? That’s quite patriotic, yeah?”
“Not quite. It stands for…” He lets out these words with great disgust as if each syllable stings his tongue and after a long sigh: “Burning Freedom Force Supreme.”
Luna gags.
“These zoomers and their superhero movies. Are they so bland that they take their whole essence from something manufactured for the masses? Something so devoid of any soul and substance after it’s ironed out for consumption by the tik tokers and snaps! I know they get one second to get attention in this day and age but there is never any pop in being vanilla curmudgeons. Self-depreciation is never pretty so how about some active denigration? They are the Facebook meme a 4-chan script kiddie would post when they grow up. Any originality that comes from their minds dies as soon as they try to put it into action. They eat up the internet’s bile and regurgitate it into our eyes. That’s about as much as you can say for their wrestling as well. I’ve seen more fighting spirit in Fat Arse Harold over there, trying to get his last morsel out of a cookie jar. They fight with fear in them. Not hungry enough, are they? Like they are waiting for the big chance to hit them instead of going after it. No belief in themselves. Having some sand will only take you so far. Gumption will only get you in the ring. To be able to defeat me and Royston, you need way more. Once. Only once it’s been shown but you guys wouldn’t be able to recognize it if your grandma’s sent it to you over text to share on the reddits. Do you want to meme so much? That’s exactly what we’ll make of ya. You’ll join the long list of people we have outcast from this place. CU:LT is our ring! They’ll have to keep searching far and wide to be able to find two people that can hold us down for good. You two zoomers are not the ones and you’ll never be with this attitude for platitudes.”
Luna lets out another shriek and Chester unlocks the cage like a proud father letting his kid out of punishment for fighting. She carries that scream out with her into the greater world to address their people.
“Just what do the Heartkillers have to be so gloomy about? Other than being born in that dismal Japan, what in your five years of living have you possibly experienced to make you so dour? Did you lot come out of the womb blind? Why is black always the default in the baddie boudoir?! I know you may look at the Burning Fucks Squadron and want to be the complete opposite of that, but please please please don’t sell your souls to darkness. There is so much joy in the world to be taking in. Just listen!” She cups her hand to her ear. Birds chirp, meadows churn with life, and a bear growls and huffs wrestling a large mime. “Life is full of such joy and violence. If you want to take joy from that violence then do it with a smile. Such a thing can never be evil! Happiness is never a bad thing. Little yelps can never be monsters. Not yet…
“It takes a happening. Now such a thing can ruin you. Mess you up in the head. If you really want we can do that to you guys. All the promises of a big debut in a new promotion for big titles can turn to dust in your mouths when we get our way. If they want some substance I’ll give it to them. I’ll fill their world with it they’ll be shitting out rainbows! Those stars in your beady little eyes will fade out and you can shy away with the others like shadows in the moving sun. Or you can smile your way through the pain. Be children again and yell for joy when you meet me. I’m a facking clown and it is what I do. I will not allow a devil’s spawn to take over. I faced evil before. It came in the guise of a clown hunter. Now I am going to protect this fine company from evil incarnate once again. After last month I am drunken with the blood of saints and I am ready to do their work.”
Her screeching becomes laughter now and she rounds on some of Constance’s children. Chester looks a little uncomfortable after that last line and pulls her back. He takes out a wad of cash and starts to dole it out. Royston and Bubbles tear out of some bushes locked in combat. Royston pulls the bear into a headlock and rolls it to the ground. Bubbles powers out and picks Royston up. Suddenly Luna launches herself into Bubble’s midsection hungry for action. Chester watches the scrap for a moment then notices a few snakes slither from the cage. He turns to the crowd.
“I swear to God, Reggie, if you don’t help me get things in order I’ll be making new boots from your hide. Separate them!”
He throws the money into the air and a few of the carnies help Chester coral the bear and stop the fight. Luna has to be caged again so Royston mimes a box around her. She slams against it in protest but the effort is enough to settle her down. Royston pacifies her by showing her his cuts from the scrap. Chester surveys his domain and nods as the world is mending again and full of promise.
