Post by barney on Mar 26, 2023 22:45:53 GMT
The din is a mixture of screams and rolling steel screeching on steel. One can feel the electricity in the air but it is excitement that makes the hairs on your arms stand up. The eyes are inundated with an abundance of color everywhere you look. The biggest word here is FUN as the sign says on the entranceway. There are smiles all around except for two of the three new participants of this spectacle. Chester Roosevelt leads his troupe inside with a look of disgust. Royston Popplewell sniffs at the air and looks back and anyone even glancing their way until they promptly avert their gaze from his painted face. Luna Baby bounces around attracting that attention in her clown makeup. She hums to herself as she skips around her partners while munching down a giant neon blue ball of cotton candy on a stick. Chester notices her snack and and checks his pocket for his wallet. It is still there so…
“Luna, where did you get that?”
Luna stops in front of him and holds the cotton candy on a stick up.
“I nicked it off some kids. They’re everywhere. I’ve had three already. Want one?”
Chester mumbles something to himself and leads his group further into the park with a little more quickness. Luna, ever the observant one, catches up to him.
“Alright? what’s got your ribbon in a knot?”
Chester waves his arm encompassing the jubilant scene in front of them.
“Look around you. What do you see?”
Luna makes a full circle in her spot to face him with a big grin.
“I see attractions and games and a city of fun. It’s a bit o’ me, innit?”
“That right there is the problem. It’s a bit of you. A little bit of every one of us. In this day and age you have to search far and wide to fine the good ol’ traveling carnival. These people, these companies, have taken our time-honored traditions and commodified, sanitized, and mass produced this thing of ours for the wholesome family. I haven’t known any honest carnie that’s had to wear a union to work their games. Now any dolt off the street can come in here, pick up a manual, watch a video and think they can do what our forefathers have done since time immemorial. There’s no magic to this, no art. It’s all been bulldozed into an easily digestible paste. And they bring in the marks to feed from the slop. Those are my pigs they’re eating off of.”
Luna’s smile starts to morph into something of a frown. Royston goes into panic mode and rushes to his wife. He tries to cheer Luna up by miming plucking a flower from the ground and turning it into a bouquet. He juggles some imaginary balls in front of her and tries to get her to pick it up. She snatches one from the air and throws it at Chester who deftly doges it as he walks away.
Chester walks up to a teenage employee managing the line for a ride. He stands off to the side with his hands behind his back like a general inspecting his troops. Chester watches the people walking by the line and looks back expectantly at the employee. The teen tries to ignore him but can’t get away from the stern gaze. Chester shakes his head.
“Don’t they teach the youth a good ballyhoo anymore?”
The teen shrugs and Chester shakes his head and demands the crowd’s attention with a twirl of his hand.
“Ladies and gentlemen , children of a proper height, gather ‘round and witness the event of a lifetime! Come one, come all you worthy and righteous of a certain weight. Enter your metal steed in a death race with time. Test your might against other mortals to destroy their spirits in competition. Have a little knock and rejoice as you bump them out of their own journey towards greatness to instill your will on destiny itself. Take the ultimate ride towards immortality and etch your name into the Board of Satisfied Customers. You will not resist because in this land of milk and honey there is no other chance for you to be brave. Get your desire for destruction in hand and use it to fill that pit in your sad lives. And all it will cost you is… twenty-! $29.99. Just give in your ticket to forehead pimple beside me and wait in line to enter the Fun! City! Bumper! Cars!”
Chester breaks his spell on the milling crowd around him as three more people get in line. He nods an smirks at the Fun City employee. As he walks along the ride Luna jumps from the wall as her now empty bumper car stops and obstructs the path of a father and son in another car and they get some big whiplash from the hit. In the middle of the space Royston runs at them and slams against the side of their car almost lifting it up on its side. They look up at him bewildered as he dusts off his hands and hops over the barrier. Luna is about to exclaim her joy but she lets out a big burp.
“Oh, Roy, I don’t feel so good.”
Chester keeps walking and bids them to follow as security arrives. They get lost in the crowd.
“I know what you mean, Luna. This type of thing is everywhere. It starts with the little things like carnivals and then it infects everything we do. I mean that directly. I do not know what sort of devilish machinations have inhabited this world of ours. Now this place we carved out for ourselves from the bowels of hell is being threatened by greed and avarice. So as they stuff themselves with the almighty dollar we must keep what we do as pure as the old ways. Never let them forget where this came from. Our blood runs deep and it tears right through history towards the CU:LT titles we hold. Wrestling tore off into its own thing from an attraction to it’s own extravaganza and there isn’t any single person or group bigger than Three Ring Barney. That is what we must show these pretenders in The Walkers.”
Luna holds her stomach but waves him off.
“Ah hogwash. They’re a sitcom joke. A little mockery of physical violence with some lines delivered with the wit of a cocaine addict and sold with some canned laughter. Any live studio audience worth their salt knows that that free ticket they got in their spam mail isn’t worth the paper it’s written in. I’ll tell ya, that family is destined for nothing but faked reality shows where they finally self destruct and have to live off their earnings from cheap club appearances, nerd conventions, and porn. It’ll be a pleasure to be the birth and end to their resurgence. All it takes is one little joke to see if you’re up to snuff. These are wrestling fans. They aren’t stupid. They find a way to watch like they’re running away from that life. You talk about old thinking? They’re neantherthals the lot of them. Omph.”
She stops in her tracks and holds her stomach as she feels something audibly gurgling down there. Chester shakes his head beside her as he examines a merchandise stand. He picks up a stuffed bear with a Fun City shirt and drops it like it has dirtied his hand.
“You are barely getting skin deep into the surface of that world. You know too well that all it takes is a smile and a wink to get someone to drop their guard. And there’s a foundation building. It’s all a soap opera with power struggles, corporate espionage and mumble music. The people will eat whatever is nice and simple. I think The Walkers know very well what they come here to represent. They a big hot iron meant to smooth out people’s brains in order to make them susceptible to buying diabetes inducing soft drinks and putting down loans in houses they know they can’t afford. It’s that false promise of of the old American dream made unattainable by the very companies that birthed them. There is a violence there. It’ll make you bow down and submit without even thinking about it. They are the little sparkling lights that distract you before they pull the rug out from under your feet and make you fall for the grift. Once again, no magic nor any art. It’s just the brute force of an army coming at you with face lifts and cardigan sweaters. You’ll see when you look around. It’s an overpriced deal to get you to lie compliant in the rat race.”
Luna thinks about Chester’s words for a moment then shrugs.
“All I know is that if I hear any fake laughter from the audience I’m taking them out. I don’t want any robots watching me.”
Chester nods and strokes his mustache.
“That is why we’re there. I am looking at this little foray onto the airwaves with great distrust. We hold the spirit of the pioneers on our backs. That’s an old violence. The violence of survival. The old story always goes this is snuffed out in the name of progress. That is what they want. That’s why they have thrown every single rag tag team they can pull together from all the nooks and cranies of the world to take you out. Now they hope they are bringing out the big guns once again. The mistake they make is that we will be together for this one all out in the open. We’ll put something on the screens that will rip the people right out of dream land into our reality. It’s always been our show and I’ll stamp it right into their dumb smiling faces. And don’t get me wrong. I want all eyes on me and that is just a medium, but it’s just another thing that has been hijacked by those that own. I just hold onto the hope that we can make things a little more utilitarian…for my benefit.”
Luna gives him a double take at those last words.
“Does that mean we’re the heroes?! I’ve never been called a hero, but I’ll wear the hell out of a cape and bangles. Maybe even some tassels, yeah?”
Chester laughs.
“That’s never in the script, girl. Carnies like us are meant to remain on the fringes to die off. Now we’re going to be forced down the throats of the mainstream. It starts with one Walker at a time until they are all out. Our role defies definition. They won’t know what to label us. They look at us and label us clowns since you pop out in people’s eyes or, to be honest, some people’s fears, and I know how hard you fight against that. My point is that all they will be able to do in the end is realize that we won’t budge from our spot. Not to them or to any other returning contender. So the Walkers’ veneer?”
“Plastic and easily crushed?”
“Their attitude?”
“Manufactured and invisible?”
“And their purpose?”
“To make us heel.”
“So what are we going to do?”
“We’re going to-”
“Luna?”
“We-re.”
Luna projectile vomits some neon blue sludge right onto Royston’s chest. He looks away and tries to hold her upright as she finishes. He inadvertently pushes her head right into the path of a family with 2.5 kids drenching them all. Luna walks around wildly managing to get the father, mother, the brother, sister, and whatever the half one is with the sick. At the end of it all she wipes off the last drops from the side of her lips and grins at them with a thumbs up. They stand appalled before the mother screams and the kids cry and the father corals them all away from them. Chester spits and walks towards the exit.
“You’re fucking right.”
“Luna, where did you get that?”
Luna stops in front of him and holds the cotton candy on a stick up.
“I nicked it off some kids. They’re everywhere. I’ve had three already. Want one?”
Chester mumbles something to himself and leads his group further into the park with a little more quickness. Luna, ever the observant one, catches up to him.
“Alright? what’s got your ribbon in a knot?”
Chester waves his arm encompassing the jubilant scene in front of them.
“Look around you. What do you see?”
Luna makes a full circle in her spot to face him with a big grin.
“I see attractions and games and a city of fun. It’s a bit o’ me, innit?”
“That right there is the problem. It’s a bit of you. A little bit of every one of us. In this day and age you have to search far and wide to fine the good ol’ traveling carnival. These people, these companies, have taken our time-honored traditions and commodified, sanitized, and mass produced this thing of ours for the wholesome family. I haven’t known any honest carnie that’s had to wear a union to work their games. Now any dolt off the street can come in here, pick up a manual, watch a video and think they can do what our forefathers have done since time immemorial. There’s no magic to this, no art. It’s all been bulldozed into an easily digestible paste. And they bring in the marks to feed from the slop. Those are my pigs they’re eating off of.”
Luna’s smile starts to morph into something of a frown. Royston goes into panic mode and rushes to his wife. He tries to cheer Luna up by miming plucking a flower from the ground and turning it into a bouquet. He juggles some imaginary balls in front of her and tries to get her to pick it up. She snatches one from the air and throws it at Chester who deftly doges it as he walks away.
Chester walks up to a teenage employee managing the line for a ride. He stands off to the side with his hands behind his back like a general inspecting his troops. Chester watches the people walking by the line and looks back expectantly at the employee. The teen tries to ignore him but can’t get away from the stern gaze. Chester shakes his head.
“Don’t they teach the youth a good ballyhoo anymore?”
The teen shrugs and Chester shakes his head and demands the crowd’s attention with a twirl of his hand.
“Ladies and gentlemen , children of a proper height, gather ‘round and witness the event of a lifetime! Come one, come all you worthy and righteous of a certain weight. Enter your metal steed in a death race with time. Test your might against other mortals to destroy their spirits in competition. Have a little knock and rejoice as you bump them out of their own journey towards greatness to instill your will on destiny itself. Take the ultimate ride towards immortality and etch your name into the Board of Satisfied Customers. You will not resist because in this land of milk and honey there is no other chance for you to be brave. Get your desire for destruction in hand and use it to fill that pit in your sad lives. And all it will cost you is… twenty-! $29.99. Just give in your ticket to forehead pimple beside me and wait in line to enter the Fun! City! Bumper! Cars!”
Chester breaks his spell on the milling crowd around him as three more people get in line. He nods an smirks at the Fun City employee. As he walks along the ride Luna jumps from the wall as her now empty bumper car stops and obstructs the path of a father and son in another car and they get some big whiplash from the hit. In the middle of the space Royston runs at them and slams against the side of their car almost lifting it up on its side. They look up at him bewildered as he dusts off his hands and hops over the barrier. Luna is about to exclaim her joy but she lets out a big burp.
“Oh, Roy, I don’t feel so good.”
Chester keeps walking and bids them to follow as security arrives. They get lost in the crowd.
“I know what you mean, Luna. This type of thing is everywhere. It starts with the little things like carnivals and then it infects everything we do. I mean that directly. I do not know what sort of devilish machinations have inhabited this world of ours. Now this place we carved out for ourselves from the bowels of hell is being threatened by greed and avarice. So as they stuff themselves with the almighty dollar we must keep what we do as pure as the old ways. Never let them forget where this came from. Our blood runs deep and it tears right through history towards the CU:LT titles we hold. Wrestling tore off into its own thing from an attraction to it’s own extravaganza and there isn’t any single person or group bigger than Three Ring Barney. That is what we must show these pretenders in The Walkers.”
Luna holds her stomach but waves him off.
“Ah hogwash. They’re a sitcom joke. A little mockery of physical violence with some lines delivered with the wit of a cocaine addict and sold with some canned laughter. Any live studio audience worth their salt knows that that free ticket they got in their spam mail isn’t worth the paper it’s written in. I’ll tell ya, that family is destined for nothing but faked reality shows where they finally self destruct and have to live off their earnings from cheap club appearances, nerd conventions, and porn. It’ll be a pleasure to be the birth and end to their resurgence. All it takes is one little joke to see if you’re up to snuff. These are wrestling fans. They aren’t stupid. They find a way to watch like they’re running away from that life. You talk about old thinking? They’re neantherthals the lot of them. Omph.”
She stops in her tracks and holds her stomach as she feels something audibly gurgling down there. Chester shakes his head beside her as he examines a merchandise stand. He picks up a stuffed bear with a Fun City shirt and drops it like it has dirtied his hand.
“You are barely getting skin deep into the surface of that world. You know too well that all it takes is a smile and a wink to get someone to drop their guard. And there’s a foundation building. It’s all a soap opera with power struggles, corporate espionage and mumble music. The people will eat whatever is nice and simple. I think The Walkers know very well what they come here to represent. They a big hot iron meant to smooth out people’s brains in order to make them susceptible to buying diabetes inducing soft drinks and putting down loans in houses they know they can’t afford. It’s that false promise of of the old American dream made unattainable by the very companies that birthed them. There is a violence there. It’ll make you bow down and submit without even thinking about it. They are the little sparkling lights that distract you before they pull the rug out from under your feet and make you fall for the grift. Once again, no magic nor any art. It’s just the brute force of an army coming at you with face lifts and cardigan sweaters. You’ll see when you look around. It’s an overpriced deal to get you to lie compliant in the rat race.”
Luna thinks about Chester’s words for a moment then shrugs.
“All I know is that if I hear any fake laughter from the audience I’m taking them out. I don’t want any robots watching me.”
Chester nods and strokes his mustache.
“That is why we’re there. I am looking at this little foray onto the airwaves with great distrust. We hold the spirit of the pioneers on our backs. That’s an old violence. The violence of survival. The old story always goes this is snuffed out in the name of progress. That is what they want. That’s why they have thrown every single rag tag team they can pull together from all the nooks and cranies of the world to take you out. Now they hope they are bringing out the big guns once again. The mistake they make is that we will be together for this one all out in the open. We’ll put something on the screens that will rip the people right out of dream land into our reality. It’s always been our show and I’ll stamp it right into their dumb smiling faces. And don’t get me wrong. I want all eyes on me and that is just a medium, but it’s just another thing that has been hijacked by those that own. I just hold onto the hope that we can make things a little more utilitarian…for my benefit.”
Luna gives him a double take at those last words.
“Does that mean we’re the heroes?! I’ve never been called a hero, but I’ll wear the hell out of a cape and bangles. Maybe even some tassels, yeah?”
Chester laughs.
“That’s never in the script, girl. Carnies like us are meant to remain on the fringes to die off. Now we’re going to be forced down the throats of the mainstream. It starts with one Walker at a time until they are all out. Our role defies definition. They won’t know what to label us. They look at us and label us clowns since you pop out in people’s eyes or, to be honest, some people’s fears, and I know how hard you fight against that. My point is that all they will be able to do in the end is realize that we won’t budge from our spot. Not to them or to any other returning contender. So the Walkers’ veneer?”
“Plastic and easily crushed?”
“Their attitude?”
“Manufactured and invisible?”
“And their purpose?”
“To make us heel.”
“So what are we going to do?”
“We’re going to-”
“Luna?”
“We-re.”
Luna projectile vomits some neon blue sludge right onto Royston’s chest. He looks away and tries to hold her upright as she finishes. He inadvertently pushes her head right into the path of a family with 2.5 kids drenching them all. Luna walks around wildly managing to get the father, mother, the brother, sister, and whatever the half one is with the sick. At the end of it all she wipes off the last drops from the side of her lips and grins at them with a thumbs up. They stand appalled before the mother screams and the kids cry and the father corals them all away from them. Chester spits and walks towards the exit.
“You’re fucking right.”
