Post by kilroy on Mar 31, 2024 2:19:31 GMT
KILROY, after what was quite FRANKly a humiliating loss to Corey Black, though the terrifying newcomer (to CU:LT) didn’t mind. They in fact RELISHed in their victory! But now, KILROY has a lot of KETCHING UP to do. But at this point, can he even MUSTARD up the gumption to return to his former… well… not glory, but something!
WEINERS.
This month begins the Killdozer Cup, the very event KILROY made his debut at. Many people would look at a track record such as KILROY’s and wonder why he’d continue to bother, but many people are normal thinking creatures. And there’s not even any respectability to unearth, as he doesn’t even give a shit about professional wrestling or even knows what he’s doing.
KILROY walked down Hollywood Boulevard, his cool-ass furry trench coat still stained with some good ol’ American puke. If you zoomed and/or enhanced the image, you might even spot a chunk of dried relish.
“Even though that was a month ago, I’m STEEEEL gonna act like this was recent and say that I’m swearing off hotdogs for-EVER!” KILROY vowed to nobody in particular.
Wielding his undeserved SNUFF Championship and his more prized albeit worthless Bible Belt title, people mostly keep out of his way, lest they get shoved into the street, but occasionally, the “allure” (likely B.O.) of this consummate unprofessional wrestler draws the brave to try to interact with him. HE confusedly swats them away too. That doesn’t make any sense, and it confuses and angers him.
He stops directly in front of Amoeba Records, stares at the entrance for way too long, then finds himself on autopilot as he shuffles inside. The metal detectors go off, obviously, but nobody wants to do anything about it. Good job, guys!
Literally wading through the colossal and crowded record shop, he looks here and there any everything and nothing at all. But then, his eyes widen as he comes across something… someone??
His eyes narrowed, “Ah ne’er reckoned ah’d come upon yew no more.”
Whoever he's’ talking to is out of frame.
He scowled, “I’M ASKIN THE QUESTIONS ROUND THESE DANG PARTS, Y’HEAR?!”
This outburst from KILROY forces people to stare and move to other sections of the shop.
He scoffs, “Oh, me sorry. Ah ne’er reckoned ah’d come upon yew no MOOORRREEE???”
KILROY pauses, but if whoever he’s talking to is actually responding to anything he’s saying, the microphones can’t pick it up for some reason. He smirks, “I’m so veeerrry glaaaad yer satisfied. Now, I;m a busy man, so, uh, ah, oh, mmmm, can you please get to the point? I’m really looking for Seals and Crofts and I can’t FOCUS! with all of your negative ENERGY! pissin all OVER me!”
Another pause. CU:LT ought to invest in some better cameras. Aren’t they sponsored by Corpus Energy these days??
KILROY stands there getting angrier and angrier, as time goes by. He inhales deeply, jutting out his lower jaw, before finally responding, “That guy, whatever his name was, suh-tuh-RICKTLY got lucky and took a-a-adVANTAGE of my yoo-briss.”
Corey Black did, in fact, NOT get lucky.
Moments later, KILROY shouts, “DON’T YOU CORRECT ME AGAIN, I HATE HATE HATEHATEHATE BEING CORRECTED!!!”
A fact only revealed now and unlikely to be true.
Just then, a member of staff comes up to KILROY, and by comes up to KILROY, I mean he’s one row away calling out to him to say, “Uh, sir? If you don’t, uh, lower your volume-”
KILROY slowly turns his head in the employee’s direction.
“...then I’ll have no choice but to ask you again!” he finished before fucking off.
KILROY looked on as they left before returning his gaze to this mystery person. “Uh, NOOOO, I don’t neeeeeed people to be a-scared of me! In fact it’s better if they dorn’t, uh-cuz then they get within arm’s length, and… you know…”
Another few moments go by. What was even the point in doing all of this inside a record store? “Noooooo, I go, krrrrrrt!”
He says this as he drags a thumb across his throat.
Moments later, KILROY laughs, “Ha ha, of COURSE! ALL of 'em! That crazy Japanese lady? That French Cheese lady? That octopus??? Krrrrrrt! Krrrrrrt! krrrrrrt! ALL… of em. HOWWWW-ah can KILroy lose in the KILldozer Cup thing?”
Feeling smug, KILROY crosses his arms and smirks. But mere moments later, he frowns anew. “I don’t remember last year. What year waddat? Anyway, I just ah-KNOWWW you’d love ta see ME! KILROY! fail, but I can’t fail if I can’t LOSE this time around, right?”
After a few more moments, he looks down on himself, “Jes yew ne’er miiiiind why I smell! That one lady in the Organ Smashers will be pretty easy since I’m bigger than her by like double!”
Completely ignoring the single time they’ve ever shared a ring together that KILROY’s side lost.
“And the Cheese lady, well, I think she’s been aging for long enough that she'll be a dee-LIGHT to eat! I’ll just be sure to bring-ah soooooooome, uh, of that pink stuff with me in cased I get injijesson.”
Moments later, KILROY responds again, “The Octopus might be a problem. They’ve got suckers and a buncha arms and they destroy ships and they have them beaks and punching em to hurt em is hard, trust me, I know!”
A second later, KILROY snaps, “No, YOU’RE dickless!!!”
Another second after that he says, “Oh, ridicalus! Yeah, but… Nah. Not that either. Not nunna dat. I’m a very dangerous person. I don't care. What, YOU WANNA SEE ME WHOLESALE SLAUGHTER EACH AND EVERY PERSON INSIDE THIS EE-STABLISH-MUNT???”
Which incites the patrons to file out of Amoeba in quick order.
“YOU SEE? YA SEEEEEE?!?!? HUNDREDS, if not whatever is hundred plus zero, ALL fleeing my wrath! And you think-” he stops to slowly suck his teeth, a character trait I’ve been forgetting about for nearly a year. “Them’s a BUNCHA folks! Three is a rullative small number, dare you not say?”
KILROY cockily cups his ear in the direction of their detractor. He nods, “Dat’s what I THOUGHT!”
Then the scene pans out further and you already fucking knew he was talking to nobody this whole time.
“So… what’re ya doin’ fer lunch today?” KILROY asks.
WEINERS.
This month begins the Killdozer Cup, the very event KILROY made his debut at. Many people would look at a track record such as KILROY’s and wonder why he’d continue to bother, but many people are normal thinking creatures. And there’s not even any respectability to unearth, as he doesn’t even give a shit about professional wrestling or even knows what he’s doing.
KILROY walked down Hollywood Boulevard, his cool-ass furry trench coat still stained with some good ol’ American puke. If you zoomed and/or enhanced the image, you might even spot a chunk of dried relish.
“Even though that was a month ago, I’m STEEEEL gonna act like this was recent and say that I’m swearing off hotdogs for-EVER!” KILROY vowed to nobody in particular.
Wielding his undeserved SNUFF Championship and his more prized albeit worthless Bible Belt title, people mostly keep out of his way, lest they get shoved into the street, but occasionally, the “allure” (likely B.O.) of this consummate unprofessional wrestler draws the brave to try to interact with him. HE confusedly swats them away too. That doesn’t make any sense, and it confuses and angers him.
He stops directly in front of Amoeba Records, stares at the entrance for way too long, then finds himself on autopilot as he shuffles inside. The metal detectors go off, obviously, but nobody wants to do anything about it. Good job, guys!
Literally wading through the colossal and crowded record shop, he looks here and there any everything and nothing at all. But then, his eyes widen as he comes across something… someone??
His eyes narrowed, “Ah ne’er reckoned ah’d come upon yew no more.”
Whoever he's’ talking to is out of frame.
He scowled, “I’M ASKIN THE QUESTIONS ROUND THESE DANG PARTS, Y’HEAR?!”
This outburst from KILROY forces people to stare and move to other sections of the shop.
He scoffs, “Oh, me sorry. Ah ne’er reckoned ah’d come upon yew no MOOORRREEE???”
KILROY pauses, but if whoever he’s talking to is actually responding to anything he’s saying, the microphones can’t pick it up for some reason. He smirks, “I’m so veeerrry glaaaad yer satisfied. Now, I;m a busy man, so, uh, ah, oh, mmmm, can you please get to the point? I’m really looking for Seals and Crofts and I can’t FOCUS! with all of your negative ENERGY! pissin all OVER me!”
Another pause. CU:LT ought to invest in some better cameras. Aren’t they sponsored by Corpus Energy these days??
KILROY stands there getting angrier and angrier, as time goes by. He inhales deeply, jutting out his lower jaw, before finally responding, “That guy, whatever his name was, suh-tuh-RICKTLY got lucky and took a-a-adVANTAGE of my yoo-briss.”
Corey Black did, in fact, NOT get lucky.
Moments later, KILROY shouts, “DON’T YOU CORRECT ME AGAIN, I HATE HATE HATEHATEHATE BEING CORRECTED!!!”
A fact only revealed now and unlikely to be true.
Just then, a member of staff comes up to KILROY, and by comes up to KILROY, I mean he’s one row away calling out to him to say, “Uh, sir? If you don’t, uh, lower your volume-”
KILROY slowly turns his head in the employee’s direction.
“...then I’ll have no choice but to ask you again!” he finished before fucking off.
KILROY looked on as they left before returning his gaze to this mystery person. “Uh, NOOOO, I don’t neeeeeed people to be a-scared of me! In fact it’s better if they dorn’t, uh-cuz then they get within arm’s length, and… you know…”
Another few moments go by. What was even the point in doing all of this inside a record store? “Noooooo, I go, krrrrrrt!”
He says this as he drags a thumb across his throat.
Moments later, KILROY laughs, “Ha ha, of COURSE! ALL of 'em! That crazy Japanese lady? That French Cheese lady? That octopus??? Krrrrrrt! Krrrrrrt! krrrrrrt! ALL… of em. HOWWWW-ah can KILroy lose in the KILldozer Cup thing?”
Feeling smug, KILROY crosses his arms and smirks. But mere moments later, he frowns anew. “I don’t remember last year. What year waddat? Anyway, I just ah-KNOWWW you’d love ta see ME! KILROY! fail, but I can’t fail if I can’t LOSE this time around, right?”
After a few more moments, he looks down on himself, “Jes yew ne’er miiiiind why I smell! That one lady in the Organ Smashers will be pretty easy since I’m bigger than her by like double!”
Completely ignoring the single time they’ve ever shared a ring together that KILROY’s side lost.
“And the Cheese lady, well, I think she’s been aging for long enough that she'll be a dee-LIGHT to eat! I’ll just be sure to bring-ah soooooooome, uh, of that pink stuff with me in cased I get injijesson.”
Moments later, KILROY responds again, “The Octopus might be a problem. They’ve got suckers and a buncha arms and they destroy ships and they have them beaks and punching em to hurt em is hard, trust me, I know!”
A second later, KILROY snaps, “No, YOU’RE dickless!!!”
Another second after that he says, “Oh, ridicalus! Yeah, but… Nah. Not that either. Not nunna dat. I’m a very dangerous person. I don't care. What, YOU WANNA SEE ME WHOLESALE SLAUGHTER EACH AND EVERY PERSON INSIDE THIS EE-STABLISH-MUNT???”
Which incites the patrons to file out of Amoeba in quick order.
“YOU SEE? YA SEEEEEE?!?!? HUNDREDS, if not whatever is hundred plus zero, ALL fleeing my wrath! And you think-” he stops to slowly suck his teeth, a character trait I’ve been forgetting about for nearly a year. “Them’s a BUNCHA folks! Three is a rullative small number, dare you not say?”
KILROY cockily cups his ear in the direction of their detractor. He nods, “Dat’s what I THOUGHT!”
Then the scene pans out further and you already fucking knew he was talking to nobody this whole time.
“So… what’re ya doin’ fer lunch today?” KILROY asks.
